The Garage Sale
Sunday, September 6, 2020
Dear Marion,
In general, the mere thought of a garage sale sends my mind spinning and not in a good way. As much time as we have spent together both as a child and adult, I don’t remember you ever wanting to dig through other people’s ‘junk’ to find your own treasure. That being said, maybe 15 years ago, you called me and said you reluctantly went with a ‘garage sale loving’ friend and were excited that you found something for my home. A lamp. Truth be told I thought ‘ugh’ but didn’t want to hurt your feelings. Days turned into months and eventually a few years before you said for the umpteenth time to please pick this lamp up from your home. Actually, I think you dropped it off because I kept ‘forgetting’ to take it when I visited.
I really did not see the beauty in it as you did but at the time I thought we could leave it in our vacation home. What’s the big deal? The big deal is my control issues regarding design and space (I am forever working on this character flaw). Eventually, I researched lamp shades as this lamp arrived without one and looked a bit like a colonial oil lamp. Although our home is a Dutch Colonial built in 1910, we renovated years ago and our aesthetic is not colonial. At that time, we gave our home a huge breath of fresh air and some tender loving care. We did not decorate but rather infused our home with things and pieces that make us feel good. The lamp shade was ordered from a catalog in a leopard print with a wink and a prayer. I could not believe my eyes even as visual as I am the transformation was incredible. I LOVED it and it is still one of my favorite pieces. As a bonus the warm light that it exudes feels like a hug from you.
Besides thanking you for this lamp, I want to thank you for the not so obvious gift which is to slow down with judgement or how about to not judge at all no matter the subject. The latter is often much harder for me and I have to work at this concept continually. We have struggled with your teenage grandchildren’s decision making and the fact that we can not control the life they want to carve out for themselves. From the moment they were conceived, we were instantly in love and planning how we would guide them each and every step of the way. What was that phrase you loved to tell me “How do you make God laugh, tell him your plans” or ``Life isn’t fair”. Well, as a young person, the first never made me laugh and the latter infuriated me to no end. It has taken me decades to be able to laugh at the first and not be instantly on the attack for the latter.
Sometimes you would soften the blow with a simple treat like Snickerdoodle Cookies and a glass of milk or herbal tea. This recipe was found in your old copy of The Betty Crocker Cookbook. I remember years ago buying a copy for myself and a new copy for you too as yours was falling apart. You let me bake whenever and whatever I wanted from a young age. My earliest memory baking this cinnamon and sugar cookie, I had to stand on a stool to reach the counter. When baking they fill the air with deliciousness and they can easily pack for a picnic or a trip to a garage sale. Your grand daughter once asked if they were named after the dog. Anyway, sometimes life isn’t fair but…
There is beauty in letting go and watching them make their choices. While I still sometimes hold my breath, they often make better choices for the long run than I was planning or wishing for them and their path. They make some big mistakes too, but that is all part of growing up and evolving. I once asked you when do you stop worrying about your children and you said I’ll let you know. I was stunned and speechless which admittedly is rare launching us into a funny bone moment and a fit of laughter.
Laughing is healing and lately I have to remind myself to laugh and not feel guilty. This year began with the pandemic and continued to unfold with so many long overdue subjects that are frightening and disturbing rendering a feeling of overwhelming stress I don’t even know where to start. One thought through it all keeps resonating and that is judgement. It is all around us and it feels like I am choking. It starts with me. I need to be more open and accepting. We can still have our opinions and healthy discussions and yes sometimes fight for what we believe in but I believe we have to stop judging.
When I was working in fashion, we would search every corner to find the next big new idea. Often I would shop alone or as part of a team in a thrift store, yard sale, or estate sale. There was a place in London we would book a time slot when setting up travel dates. A group of 4-6 of us would arrive and methodically go about the task of digging through each room and it’s piles for what? The next big idea be it silhouette, trim detail, color, etc. It was energizing and stimulating and gross and dusty and hilarious. As we finished I always felt like I had dust up my nose, in my throat, and a film covering my body but I felt accomplished and exhausted. On these trips, we often had to compromise, be flexible with one another and our schedule. It was exciting and if you like to research, shop, and people watch as I do, very rewarding.
There were disagreements and judgement calls to be made about what direction we should take and how we should present these ideas upon our return to the office.
It wasn’t always easy or pleasant but it taught me a lot about connecting, accepting, and learning to adjust. This is something my children will have to learn and experience for themselves. I hope as you did, I have given them a strong foundation and that they know I am always here to listen and hopefully judge or not with an open mind and heart.
Regardless the political affiliation, I am hoping and praying that this great country of ours can come together and be open to listening, planning, and sometimes compromising so that everyone can move forward feeling heard and understood. I hope that we can find beauty along the way and try to judge less and listen more carefully and thoughtfully.
Talk soon,
Forever Yours
Quote
“Everything has its beauty, but not everyone sees it.”
Confucius