The Birthday

November 10, 2020

Dear Marion,

Why do I love my birthday? Every year(growing up) you would let us pick all 3 meals on our birthday… breakfast, lunch, dinner, and birthday cake. While this was a treat, I think I was actually even more excited about the day. It was a blank page to be designed by me for me- wahoo! I suppose there were budget limitations but I did not feel them as the day unfolded. It was more about choices not really about a fancy, expensive day but rather a day that was given to me without expectations of me or chores.

This year I started my day early walking on the beach and experiencing the sunrise as I scuffed through the sand, head down, mind filled with images of this past year. What a doozy. I looked up for a moment and through the early morning fog I spotted the sun poking through an amazing canvas of clouds. It was so dramatic and as I took the beauty of it all in I turned and stumbled upon this unique display of creativity. It was such a gift in that particular moment. This was not the first time I had seen this ‘installation of found objects’ spaced between the dunes and beach area descending into the ocean. It is anchored far enough from the ocean to be untouched from tide and close enough to the rock wall to somewhat shield itself from the fierce winds. I have seen this designed space evolve over the span of years post SuperStorm Sandy. This was the first time I stopped in a long time and thought it was interesting how they used the drift wood to form an arched path to welcome and guide the visitor to its inner sanctum. Here is an area to sit and take in all of the found objects and imagine their purpose. As I exit, I see the line formed in the front entryway protecting the install is created with horseshoe crabs. The fog is breaking and a blue sky is fighting through highlighting the view of NYC on the horizon.

Last year I rang in my 55th birthday ...double fives... and quickly around the corner we rang in the new year 2020. Not only double twenty, but the implication of clarity 20/20 vision. Last week we celebrated my 56th year and during a week that was chock full of political upheaval. Every year I think about where I have been, where am I presently, and how do I want to move forward. Well, initially I thought I just wanted all of 2020 to become a part of my rear view mirror. As I paused, a stream of the wonderful images this year brought flashed before me and there have been many...cooking and baking with your granddaughter, numerous hikes in the woods  and walks on the beach, the many puzzles we worked on together and movies we watched. We tried paddle boarding and got hooked, conversations with your grandson that may have been in short supply but nevertheless insightful and rewarding. This year has had many challenges but it has also been enlightening. I have been a planner since birth(as I have been told on numerous occasions) but I have spent much of my adulthood learning to be more spontaneous or at least open to change and shifting to the needs of my family. 

As my children are on the brink of adulthood, it is time for more change. Part of why I love my birthday is there is no guilt to do whatever, whenever, and however I want to do something. Before children, I called it my birthday week ...and on occasion still do. Any inquiry or disruption …. ahh it’s my birthday. I think this year will be focused on actively exercising my ability to be more assertive and not just on my birthday. It’s time to fill that blank page or canvas with what will make me happy and not just on my birthday. Time to hold my chin up when I’m walking so that I see more creative installations along the path...and outside of it too.

This morning I told your granddaughter how we used to spend our birthdays when we were growing up and that you let us choose our day including it’s menu. I explained that you baked each of my siblings favorite birthday cake every year and that I wanted to be surprised each year. She said I want to make you a Red Velvet Cake from Mor Mor’s recipe box...Surprise.

Talk soon,
Forever Yours

Quote
“If I am not good to myself, how can I expect anyone else to be good to me?”

Maya Angelou
 Civil Rights Activist, Poet, Award Winning Author
1928-2014