Non Negotiable by Design

Sunday- December 5, 2021

Dear Marion,

 Well, there were good intentions for this writing to be sent December 5, but as life often does I took a turn and wasn’t able to sit down and complete until today. Thoughts and design were swirling around in my mind but I needed a bit of time to marinate before discussing. That being said, I listened to a few interviews that left me thinking about a book I had purchased and not yet read. No time like the present they say and so I read “No Pain, No Gaines”, by Chip Gaines (of Fixer Upper). I find his energy and approach to life so uplifting and refreshing. Chip and Joanna have a unique approach to business and design that I became swept up in, as many people did, the moment they filled my tv screen. Admittedly, I have not watched since the third season, but I perked up every time I saw one of the episodes. While I may not have continued to absorb every episode, I did remain aware of the many paths they were taking including their purchase and ever expanding design of The Silos in all of its glory. The commitment to their community is I believe what clinched it for me. This journey they are on is shared with everyone. Chip and Joanna Gaines are hardworking, creative, and clever but I think their special ingredient is their honest ability to be inclusive. In this most recent book, Chip Gaines discusses networking from a new perspective and he highlights often the question- what is your non-negotiable. My non-negotiable has stayed the same in some ways and altered in others as I have aged and taken on different responsibilities. 

 In the span of a few days, I read and listened to quite a few interviews, but two views jumped out at me, that of Chip Gaines and Kathie Lee Gifford. What stood out for me was their interest in speaking to people who did not have the same views politically, spiritually, etc. Each spoke of their desire in connecting or at least attempting to connect with others regardless of the common or different thoughts and beliefs. Surprisingly or maybe not, I haven’t heard anyone say they were interested in another person's views in a long time. I remember when The View created by Barbra Walters began twenty five years ago because it was such a new concept and one that you and I enjoyed talking about regularly. Four to five women from different backgrounds, cultures, careers, and ages talking about life, politics, and current events respectfully was such a revelation for me. I found I would connect and feel comfortable with some and feel passionately opposed to others. What surprised me the most is how much I wanted to hear what the person least similar to my views had to say. Stepping outside my comfort zone and listening to this opposite view to my own was eye opening and taught me something new from a different but interesting perspective. Once in a great while, I even changed my view. Keep in mind this dialogue was between women in a safe space to discuss their thoughts. This is not to say arguments did not occur or even an occasional fight but effort to restore a respectful dynamic would take place. That safe space is needed so much more today in our current state of affairs. Respectful and inclusive dialogue is important and I wish this could happen more in living rooms, corporations, schools, places of worship, coffee shops, and government. When you are applying to colleges it is recommended to have safety schools, target schools , and reach schools all within your mix of college choices. My ‘reach’ for my non negotiable would be the ability to have and encourage more respectful dialog between differing opinions to lead toward more understanding of one another.

 This past month, I surprised myself when I ventured out to a wedding that requested a more formal attire. The venue was somewhat local and included many friends you would remember from my youth. What to wear? That question used to bring joy but at this juncture, I wasn’t entirely looking forward to dressing up. This pandemic has deemed me and my wardrobe very much cozy and loving it that way. In the end it wasn’t as painful as I thought and I actually found I enjoyed slipping on something that was out of my present comfort zone. On the dance floor, I discovered and really felt that I was a part of the old guard. It was ok and actually kind of nice to be on this side of fifty. My friends and I were still dancing, maybe we weren’t “the pretty, younger generation,” but we were looking good and having fun. I enjoyed watching the newlyweds and their friends but I also loved realizing my friends and I were not invisible. I may have traded my stilettos in for my faithful but still chic, knee high, black suede cowgirl boots(my feet are not up to heels). The pewter gray sequin knee length skirt took its rightful place in lieu of my thigh high sequin skirt and was topped off with a men’s styled white shirt complete with ornate cuff links. I wasn’t ready and maybe I won’t ever be to wear something more revealing as I once did but that’s not because I can’t or shouldn’t at this stage of my life. I am on this side of fifty and want to still feel good in my own skin and whatever i want to wear to feel that way is my non- negotiable. I wore my red nail polish and lipstick with my head held high as I danced my way into that euphoric feeling I once did at my friends' weddings and even earlier back to my elementary school days. Dance sessions by myself in my living room, driving in the car, with my friends, family, or even in Times Square amongst strangers is another non-negotiable. I may be taking this term or idea in a direction Chip Gaines hadn’t intended in his book, but this is mine to be decided.

  Our cooking this past few weeks has left us without any new, fresh ideas to share but we did enjoy a birthday complete with cupcakes. What I loved about the results of ordering them locally from a bakery was the simple directions we gave and then left it with their own thoughts to complete. The baker added a few flowers intentionally to certain areas that caught my eye and guided it through creating a movement that completed a beautiful design. My non-negotiable is to be a part of collaboration whatever that means because it brings me joy, allows me to feel visible, and a part of a community.

Talk soon,

Forever Yours

Quote:

“We all should know that diversity makes for a rich tapestry, and we must understand that all the threads of the tapestry are equal in value no matter what their color.”

Maya Angelou

American poet, memoirist, and civil rights activist

1928-2014