Expected Delivery

Saturday- October 23, 2021

Dear Marion,

  There is a great thrill in the pit of my stomach when I first catch a glimpse of a package delivery on our front porch. As your grandchildren first became aware of this occasion while they were young, I think that gave me an even better thrill. Their eyes would pop open wider, wondering what was inside the box or envelope and almost always assuming it was for them. I think they were even excited when I had to explain it was not for them because they still had this longing to know what was inside. If it were a business package for their dad, they were still bouncing up and down because they could tell him of its arrival. The funny thing about these packages is they still bring me that butterfly in my stomach even when I am expecting the delivery. There are no guarantees that the package is my expected delivery when I round the corner. Until I get up close and view the sender, I am not sure of what it could be, perhaps it's a surprise from a friend. A delivery just occurred this week and sent me on a trail of thoughts. Surprise or not, it doesn’t matter. Sometimes it's even better when it's an expected surprise. The control freak in me vacillates between enjoying the predicted surprise and truly wanting to be surprised. 

  One of your grandchildren loves the thrill of the surprise, while another simply does not want to be surprised, I believe, ever. As you know, I have always enjoyed gift giving and sometimes, even more, the act of presenting the gift as in the wrapping and display. Before having children, and while they were small, it gave me great joy to wrap a gift for an individual. I think it initiated when I first started to make enough money that my bills could be paid with something left to splurge on others. This unexpected freedom gave me an awareness that I could not only walk into unique shops but also purchase something that they took special care to wrap or present individually and thoughtfully for my gift-giving. It gave me the thrill to know that care was taken and so I began to take that into my own hands and actually enjoyed carefully and thoughtfully wrapping and presenting gifts. This was a way to express my feelings for them. One Christmas, someone shared with me how much they didn’t like the wrapping. It was too much pressure to be surprised because they could only think about what was underneath and would they be happy or have to hide their disappointment. To be fair this person was only 9, but I got the point. Christmas presents under the tree for Christmas morning were no longer wrapped and joy was had by all for future years. A friend said to me that it was selfish that we should be receiving joy in the way we want too as well. Their point was heard by me but I think I received the response as a learning lesson. We don’t all receive or feel in the same way and my goal was to give joy, if they weren’t receiving it then I didn’t hit my goal. Simple solution, to listen and keep my pulse on who is on the receiving end.

  October and its weather are usually unexpected as in temperature leaning warm one day and chilly another. We have been surprised by some beautiful blooms amidst some plants browning and dyeing out for the season. Watering the garden for the most part has passed for me but I am still half heartily watering a few pots. So, when I walked up the stairs and discovered a little bright purple sprig of lavender in the midst of all the neutral sprigs in the plant it was an unexpected delivery. It brought a smile to my face and a chuckle because it really is the little things that can make a difference in your day even on a day that is filled with angst.

  There was a style moment that caught my eye recently and it was a photo of and comment given by the actress Andie MacDowell. Basically, she has decided to let her hair color grow naturally and appeared on the red carpet at the 2021 Cannes Film Festival wearing a beautiful and timeless selection of dresses. While there have been a select few actresses to step out boldly before, it was the first time that I thought we may be changing the narrative regarding women’s age. I remember angrily saying to you as a teenager why are men labeled distinguished and a silver fox as they age and women are called old?! I found this infuriating and worthy of a fight. Yes, I’m sure you remember my outbursts. As I began to age myself, I thought I would want to age gracefully and not allow myself to feel the way society often dictates. Well, as it stands I am human and I do dye my hair and love every minute after doing so, but I also continue to work on accepting and embracing the process of my outer shell changing. While the outside may not be the beauty of youth, I am learning to embrace the beauty it is becoming. Andie MacDowell made a point to say she was encouraged by her grown daughters to let her hair in all of its silver glory grow out, but she also made a point to say she wasn’t letting herself go meaning she still works at keeping her figure and taking care of her skin. She still wears makeup and dresses in a way to make her feel good on the red carpet. If we’ve worked hard on ourselves, I would venture to say our insides get more beautiful as we age and I hope that this is just the beginning of learning to embrace this powerful idea. Age is an expected delivery but we don’t all have the privilege to experience it and I do remember you saying it’s much better than the alternative. I also remember you saying it requires being brave. Well, I think you may have used a different language but I also think you would want me to use the language of today. Listen and learn was also often advised. Thankfully, the narrative is always able to change and evolve.

 I am enjoying a new book, The Lincoln Highway, by Amor Towell. It is so thoughtfully written and has taken me on a journey that is anything but expected. I have not read this author before but I have been stopped and asked what I think of it as his other books have such a following. His characters are presented in a way that you see why they are and have made their decisions without judgment. 

 Your granddaughter has made a recipe of yours, The Pinwheel Cookie, that was perfectly unexpected and not too sweet but made with love and special care.

Talk soon.

Forever Yours

Quote:

Aging gracefully is sexist, and the physical effects of age are just as beautiful as markers of youthfulness.

Julianne Moore

American Actress, author 

Born: December 3, 1960